The pain of a breakup

If there’s something which I will never wish on someone else, it would be the pain and torment of a breakup.

Three (3) of my friends are undergoing this kind of pain at this moment. I will leave their names anonymous since I know breakups are private; nor will I enumerate any details.

Never will I pretend to be an expert in relationships, but I just thought of listing down things we all feel when we break up with someone special. This is to illustrate how universal breakups are, and how, one day, we will all be okay.

We survive.


DENIAL: After the pivot’s turn, you are amazed on how fast things happened. One minute both of you were saying “I love you,” and the next, it was over… and you’re denying the turn of events; because in your mind, this isn’t happening.

EMOTIONAL NEGOTIATION: Since you’re still in denial, you hardly think of your actions. Perhaps the proper route is to let things subside, yet, you continuously call/text/meet-up to negotiate with the other party. You feel like you need to say things just to vindicate yourself and/or just further say things you’ll regret.

CRY: You cry in the minutest memory. You remember a song, an activity, a simple gesture, or just because…

YOU SEE HIM/HER: You see him/her smiling at a distance to something/someone. You hate the fact that s/he’s unaffected. You think s/he isn’t mourning the loss of the relationship. You feel like s/he should be as sad as you are.

FINAL TALK: AT TIMES, you think you broke up peacefully. You try to talk for closure’s sake – making yourself believe that it is for closure, but in fact, it’s your last attempt to negotiate. It may end-up messy. A Bad break-up is one of the truest breakups (never intending to generalize).

ACCEPTANCE: AFTER A WHILE, you wake up, and realize, it’s really over. You realize that you need another routine. Who will you do the same little things with? You also realize that you’re about to start all over again, and at some point that’s exciting.. on another, tiring. You realize that at night, you have nobody to text goodnight to; nor good morning the following day. You realize that your phone bill would probably go down; so as your expenses on weekends. You realize that life will be different henceforth.

GLITCH: AFTER A WHILE, you ARE okay. You feel like things are getting better. At other days, you feel like shit, and you remember everything. You cry, but not as much. You feel sad, but not hurt. You snap out of it, and proceed back to reality. You’re okay again.

You learn that silence can do wonders. You learn that losing someone is okay, because you find someone more special in the process – yourself. You also learn that time heals all wounds. Most importantly, you pick-up the pieces with a stronger heart; precisely because you know yourself more. You accept your misgivings, and you forgive for his/hers.

You become more mature. More importantly, YOU LIVE AGAIN.

To my friends who are undergoing their own heartache, we’re all just here for you.

You’re strong.

… and it isn’t your fault.